a productive pen

First, as I write this I will say that I am not a Catholic. I was raised in a Protestant, Christian home and my family attended an A.M.E. church. I did attend Catholic school as a young girl until the time when my parents took my siblings and me out of school so that my mom could home-school us. As a young, inquisitive child I was very observant about faith and religion and I wondered why for instance if there was only one God, why were there so many churches, and so many different kinds of churches. I observed that we read the Bible in our church, but when I looked at the Bibles in my Catholic school they were quite different. Why, when my Bible said that it was a sin to worship graven images, was there statues all over the sanctuary at St. Raphael’s Church and none in the sanctuary of St. Paul A.M.E. church where I grew up. To top it all off, one of my teachers, who was a nun made the mistake of pitying me because I was going to burn in hell because I was not a Catholic. (It didn’t help that we were the only Black children in this Irish Catholic School in Massachusetts in the late 70’s) This thought worried me to no end until I brought it up to my mother. She marched herself down to my school and read the riot act to Sister Christopher. I was mortified with embarrassment as I saw my mother threatening the poor nun that if she ever said anything of the sort again to me that she would make sure that she was not allowed to teach at this school again.

While I’ve had my issues with the Catholic Church, I admired the nuns and the priests who took vows to give up a normal life and to dedicate themselves to the service of Jesus. Later in life when I learned about the sexual abuse of children by priests this really shocked my sensibilities. I am not sure when I became aware of the life of Mother Teresa, and her work with the poorest of the poor in India, but from the first time I learned about who she was and the Missionaries of Charity, I have loved and admired her from afar. I thought fondly of this little woman as embodying all of the virtues that I aspired to, but failed to attain. I came across one of her quotations and I have used it in the signature file for my personal email because I feel that it captures what I admire most about her, which is her insatiable capacity for unconditional love: “I have learned the paradox that if I love until it hurts there is no more hurt only more love.”

When her personal writings were released earlier this year in the form of the book, “Come Be My Light” I began to read about the life of this great woman and became inspired anew. This book contains some of her personal letters and writings and it sheds light on her spiritual journey. The book also covers the secret years of desolation when she felt separated from God. I have not yet finished reading this book, but already it has inspired my heart to find ways to act on my faith and to find ways in my life to, “bring joy to the suffering heart of Jesus,” as she spent her life doing.

Often times I look on my life and I wonder if I am squandering the gifts that God has blessed me with. Am I giving my utmost for His highest? I don’t think so. At this time of year we often begin to reflect inward and take an assessment of what has been accomplished over the course of the year and then begin to plan for what we will do in the new year ahead. Since we are given our lives one moment at a time, I hope to do a better job of making the most of every moment and to live in a way that would please God. I will never live a life such as that of Saint Teresa, but her selfless sacrifice, her love of the poor and her ability to bring joy to the suffering heart of Jesus will continue to inspire me for as long as I am on this earth to be a better woman, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, friend, wife and lover of Jesus in all of His disguises.