a productive pen

Trying to balance a moonlighting writing gig alongside a regular 9-5, raising three children alone and trying to squeeze in a social life has been kicking my butt lately. I have a distinct vision of the kind of lifestyle I would like to have, but the present moment is so far removed from that vision I’m not sure how I will ever get there.
Writing is my passion and I love it, but by the time I get home from work, wrangle the girls homework assignments whilst preparing dinner and trying to keep the house in some semblance of order, serve and eat dinner, and then clean up afterwards this mamma is thoroughly exhausted. After I have gotten them into the bed and I crack open the laptop in a vain attempt to get some writing done it’s not long before my forehead begins to hit the keyboard. I’m really feeling this quote by Joseph Conrad:

“You must squeeze out of yourself every sensation, every thought, every image, — mercilessly, without reserve and without remorse: you must search the darkest corners of your heart, the most remote recesses of your brain, — you must search them for the image, for the glamour, for the right expression. And you must do it sincerely, at any cost: you must do it so that at the end of your day’s work you should feel exhausted, emptied of every sensation and every thought, with a blank mind and an aching heart, with the notion that there is nothing, — nothing left in you.” — Joseph Conrad

This quote virtually crackles with my exact feelings about the writing process. I love the fact that its like opening a vein and I do it sincerely–when I can. So, I persevere, trying to keep up with the small amount of work that I have and wondering how I will be able to make that big leap to writing full time.